Weeell, as everyone who’s anyone knows, it’s Great State Fair of Oklahoma time. And, can I just say real quick that I like the new commercial and all, but I really miss the “Great State Fair of Oklahoma” song from the old commercials? You know the one. It’s still on the website, though, so I guess I can just go there and listen to it. Moving on. Onward and upward.
My mommy dearest and I went to the fair last night. This is a yearly tradition of ours. Usually my sister’s there, but she was being a turd and decided to move to LA. So, she just missed out. Of course, fun things about the fair include the newborn baby goats, dead chicks in the hatchery, Express Clydesdales, Sham-Wow demonstrations and all the stuff that has pit bulls or confederate flags on it. Or both. Like these: I also like all the wolves that are on everything. And, obviously, I can’t leave out the people watching. I mean, this sixty-something was sportin’ pigtails AND purple sequins, y’all.
And, as fun as all that stuff is, everyone knows the whole point of the fair is the food. This is what our normal menu looks like. Me: Indian taco, mooch candied pecans off my mom and funnel cake off my sister. Mom: Corn dog, roasted corn, candied pecans to share and strawberry crepes. Sister: Turkey leg, funnel cake, cinnamon roll, candied pecans, corn dog and really anything else that crosses her skinny path. This year, it didn’t feel as traditional without Sister there, so Mom and I decided to branch out and try some new stuff. Bad idea. This just confirms my belief that change is bad and you shoudn’t try new things. First of all, deep-frying a Twinkie or a Snickers bar is a bad idea. Sounds good. Isn’t. I think when you deep-fry chocolate it kinda burns it. But the WORST offender, who has been hyped to the max this year and who turns your instincts against you, is chocolate-covered bacon. Just say no. Trust me.
It kinda made me think of Beggin Strips dog treats. That’s what it smelled like. Weirder still, it comes in a chinese food-style takeout container…why?!
So, the main point I’m trying to make here is save your five bucks for a funnel cake or a glo stick. I have a few other tips for the OK State Fair Go-er To-er that I’ve figured out over the years. 1) Do not go on the first day. It’ll be hotter than Hades AND it’ll be packed. 2) Do not go on the last day. They will have run out of corn and half the vendors with the cute purses will be gone. HOWEVER, the ones who are still there are ready to wheel and deal so they don’t have to carry that inventory home. 3) Do not go on a discounted ticket day. ALL the crazies come out and it’s nuts. 4) They are taking a cue from the Tumbleweed, I guess, and are now charging $5 just to park so ya might wanna carpool. 5) Wear comfy shoes. Hey, just having on shoes puts you in the upper class so don’t worry about fashion.
And finally, I’d just like to say, it wasn’t the same without ya, Mel.