In case you didn’t know

So, there are things. Things that are a-happenin’. For one, I am basically just overwhelmed in my mind of things to think about and everyone who reads this blog (I love both of y’all) knows that I can’t actually think clearly and in a straight line until I write it down or say it. And Smokey’s getting mighty tired of hearing about all of it. So, I guess that leaves you to be stuck with it.

  • I live in the Big City where people steal things and shoot other people. Not that they don’t do that in the country but still. The news makes me paranoid.
  • I need a project. A BIG one. Like, I want to buy a house. And some acres. And some chickens. And maybe just one or two pigs?
  • I am gaining weight and I’m not sure why.
  • All my money is disappearing and I’m not sure why.
  • I don’t like cleaning my house.
  • I want to start couponing but it seems like a hassle.
  • With all this pinterest and google+ crap going on, I can’t keep up.
  • And, oh yeah, MY SISTER HAD A BABY. A real one that cries and poops and eats out of her boob. So crazy.

    Please ignore the scary state of my makeup and focus on the baby

She made let me be in the delivery room. I was in Tulsa when she went into labor and I was scared to death I wasn’t going to make it back in time. I think I yelled at about six people between Tulsa and Moore. I handle stress really well. But, back to the delivery room. It was not encouraging, folks. Not at all. There was grunting and sweating and straining. The only reason there wasn’t crying and screaming like a banshee is my sister is an odd combination of tough and scared to show emotion. I saw things. Things no one should ever see. Ever. And the things I managed not to see, I heard. Yes, there are sounds in there. Sounds that are disturbing because even though you have never actually heard a vagina being cut with scissors, you know what it sounds like. Yeah. I went there. It happens, folks. And it’s time for people to admit it so that unsuspecting aunts like me aren’t caught off guard in the heat of the moment. Women really did get the short end of the stick on this one. Thanks a lot, Eve! You idiot!

But, after all the horror and blood, you do get a pretty neat little bundle of baby. And I don’t even like newborn babies. But, I like this one. Now I kinda get it. I’m going to stop being so bitter now, I think. Just look at the sweetness.

And, I mean, um, well, aaahhhh…I can’t think of the words I want to say here.

And now I leave you with the best picture ever…

I think this is a baby but she looks like an alien dressed as a grandma. HAHAHA

Have a great day, everybody and go make fun of a baby!

 

2 thoughts on “In case you didn’t know

  1. cassie Hays

    heather you make me smile. i loved this from every angle. you are so so so funny. i love you got to be in the room, and i am glad you get to love little soph from the very moment of her existence. love you girls.

    Reply

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