Good news! I just heard on Good Morning America (that’s GMA if you’re cool) that high-end handbags may have a dangerous amount of lead in them. You may be wondering why this is good news. Because, I, obviously, have never and probably will never own a high-end handbag so I feel safe. Sorry for all you rich people (or poor people who are just so stylish that it’s worth putting on plastic. Even worse for you. You may have some crazy high medical bills one day because of your purse. I mean, I don’t know how much lead-removal costs, but I’m going to guess it ain’t cheap. And no, you can’t just get on SoonerCare. I know that’s what you were thinking. Oh, well, you will probably just file bankruptcy in that case. Oh, sweet mercy. This is what’s wrong with America.) Anyway, it’s usually the cheap stuff that’s all toxic so I am feeling pretty good about my health this morning.
Which is good because I have to go to the Dr. this morning. Again. If you think baby having isn’t a racket for somebody, you are severely confused. Listen to this: I have not had one single pregnancy problem (Praise Jesus!), and have required no extra monitoring, testing, etc. We have insurance through Spencer’s work, but we pay a good chunk of it, especially for me to be covered. This means that we have to pay our $1500 deductible (which also covers our hospital bill) PLUS the 20% extra that the Dr. is allowed to charge on top of what insurance will pay. That comes to $480. So, not being a mathematical or accounting genius, I don’t really know how much the Dr. actually gets. Mainly because I haven’t looked to see how much the insurance is paying him. I don’t know how it all works between him and the hospital. But if $480 is only 20% of what he gets to charge, this man is making a KILLING, y’all. Especially when I consider that his office is packed every time I’m there. Which is often. At first it was every five weeks. Then four. Now three and I’m guessing that will keep decreasing until I just move into his office.
Here’s what happens at my appointments: Get weighed, pee in a cup, listen to the baby’s heartbeat, check my blood pressure (if the nurse remembers) and recently, measure my belly. The nurse does all this and then the Dr. comes in and asks if I have any questions and reminds me to make sure my husband is helping me stretch my vagina in preparation for the big day. Yes, I’m serious.
Honestly, I could do all this at home if they would give me the test strips to dip in my pee and a blood pressure cuff thing. I’m sure there’s an app where you can hear the heartbeat. Anyway, I do really like my doctor and I’m not saying the man doesn’t earn his pay but all this seems a little excessive to me. I wish I could just call in my stats every six weeks or so. I think I will try to do that next time. Speaking of which, I have heard that a doctor can stop seeing you because you are “non-compliant.” Has this happened to anyone I know? If so, please tell me because you will probably become my hero. I was wondering because everyone keeps saying “Your doctor won’t let you go more than a week past your due date.” And I keep saying, “He will if I don’t show up for the induction.” I mean, what do they do, come to your house and force you to be induced? Noooooo.
Now I’m starting to wonder how often I will have to take the baby to the doctor to be socially accepted as a caring parent. I think I’m going to encourage Jack to become an OB.