In which I explain perineal massage

Okay. Here is my post about perineal massage. I’m super embarrassed to post it because it’s about VAGINA STRETCHING but I feel the world needs to know. Hopefully everyone who reads this already knows how babies get out and that there’s no stork involved.

It’s a medical post. It’s a medical post. It’s a medical post. The preggers need to know this. Okay. I can do it. Here we go.

The whole reason I’ve decided to dedicate a post to this topic is that the labor and delivery nurses who helped with Case’s birth were AMAZED that I did not need stitches (as was the doctor). When I credited it to perineal massage, they wanted to know how to do it. So. Obviously if the professionals aren’t in on this wonder, somebody needs to get the word out. I’ve had several mom friends ask me about it so I know y’all wanna know.

It’s extremely simple and extremely awkward. The OB I had with Jack told us about it and encourages all his patients to do it.

(I know many of you do not mind your stitches and feel like the end results are better. That’s fine, I’m not tryna pressure anybody.)

Supposedly there is a way to do this by yourself but it seems hard and confusing to me. So, I can’t advise about that.

Here’s how to do it:

Get some olive oil. Get your husband. Dim the lights. Haha just kidding, he’s gonna need to be able to see. Now all he does is rub the oil around down there and then insert his index and middle fingers up to the second knuckle and apply downward pressure. Just in and down. Then y’all lay there and watch tv for 15 minutes and you’re done.

It was very embarrassing at first but we got used to it quickly. You want to start about six weeks before your due date and do it every night. No big deal if you miss a night here and there. The amount of pressure he applies is up to you and can increase over time. I would aim for uncomfortable and stretched but not painful.

And there ya have it. That is how I delivered two babies (one being huge) without ever having crotch stitches.

Now you know way too much about me. You’re welcome.
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