Let me tell you a little story. Not about a man named Jed. 

Today I took the heathens to Norman to play at an indoor playground since it was rainy. The first place we went was closed (And we got kicked out because after I read the “closed” sign and turned to leave, another mom came and told me she didn’t know why that sign was out but they were open. So I came in. And then got kicked out. I was so ashamed. I think that lady just needed me to fade heat for her.) so we went to the mall. After the kids played we went into the Best Buy to get me a car charger for my phone because I’ve never had one and that is ridiculous and my battery was low. 

At Best Buy, the sales lady told me we were in a tornado watch. To which I said “K.” Well, in my mind I did. I actually said something like “Oh, okay! Thank you so much for letting me know!” But I was thinking “K.” Because really a tornado watch means almost nothing to me. 

So, I check the radar, see some rain and head on home. About halfway there I get a text from Spencer’s cousin telling me to watch the weather. So, I called him and he said nothing tornadic but hail and crazy wind. Okay, drama queen! Then Spencer texts me “Are yall inside?” So I call him and he tells me the same so I book it on to the house because I didn’t want to carry kids from the car to the house in a hail storm. 

I come in and turn on the weather and as soon as Jack gets all his clothes off, they start talking about a hook echo and you could see the meteorologist switch and get a little nervous. Okay, get your clothes back on, kid! Your dreams have come true and we finally get to go to the cellar! 

So I did the emergency things like switch from flip flops to shoes, grab a blanket and the emergency bag, and threw everything down the stairs. Deposited children. Grabbed a bottle and parts and shoved them in my front pocket (this is when breastfeeding is handy), turned the flashlight on and crammed it in my back pocket so I could have a light as I pulled the huge door down and tied it closed. 

It was all fun times. The kids devoured every snack in the bag because goldfish crackers taste way better underground and as I fixed Case a bottle, I realized the nipple had been lost along the way. (There’s a phrase I never thought I’d say.) I had friends and family texting me updates since I couldn’t get radar down there but my phone died before I felt like coming out. So we waited a bit until my Okie instincts said it was all clear and I ran and checked the TV and got the kids out. In all, it was about 35 minutes down there. With no toys. Now I know what the pioneers must have felt like. 

But here’s the whole point of that crazy convoluted story: God was helping me. I left Norman at the exact right time. If I had been any later, I’d have been in the car with no warning and in town where the tornados were actually touching down. We would have been fine in the end but I’d have been terrified. If we had left earlier, I would have checked the weather when I got the initial text, seen it was no biggie and put it back on Disney Jr. Then I most likely would’ve gotten the texts telling me there was already a tornado which probably would’ve caused me to traumatize the children with my spazzing out. Also, I charged my phone on my new car charger on the way so I could get messages instead of being stuck down there with no phone. Also, the tornados were all super small and nobody got hurt so that was nice. 

But Jack did have to pee in the corner. So, it wasn’t all roses. 

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