Category Archives: Health and fitness

Where I admit to suicidal thoughts- AND A GIVEAWAY (read to the bottom, it’s not all doom and gloom)

“Shoot yourself. Shoot yourself. Shoot yourself. Shoot yourself. Shoot yourself. Shoot yourself. Shoot yourself. Shoot yourself. Shoot yourself. Shoot yourself. Shoot yourself. Shoot yourself.”

Those two words were on a repeating loop in my mind as I drove to the small-town grocery store to get ingredients for the sides and dessert I was charged with preparing for the family Thanksgiving dinner. It’s pretty hard to give a crap about pound cake when your own brain is trying to convince you to off yourself but I’ve always been bound by duty and guilt.

I had to drive by a bar to get to the grocery store. Okay, I didn’t have to. I could’ve taken a different route but I didn’t because I thought if it got bad enough in that ten-mile stretch between me and the green beans I had to buy, I could go in and just get drunk. If I really started to panic, I could go in and chug even just two or three beers really quickly and I knew I would calm right down. I made a list in my head of all the reasons why it would be okay if I did stop at the bar on the way. I really, really wanted to. But I didn’t. Which was kind of the theme of this new job I had called “being a mom,” it seemed. It didn’t matter what I wanted to do. I had a baby at home and a husband who was also in his own period of adjustment and I doubted, though he is a merciful man, that I would be greeted with much sympathy if I arrived home smelling like a roadside honky tonk.

When I got home, I told my husband about the voice in my head. He looked after me and when my body adjusted to the meds, I was better off than before. I don’t want to seem dramatic and I need to be 100% genuine and tell you that even though I literally had the “shoot yourself” refrain playing in my head, I knew I wasn’t going to do it. I don’t know how or why but I knew I wouldn’t. If you ever feel uncertain about whether you will or won’t, call someone IMMEDIATELY.

It’s hard to know where to start talking about depression. I’ve had a post or two in the past, when I felt like I just had to spit something out. And each time I’ve done those, I’ve received private messages from women who want to know more. Because of that, I’ve always wanted to do a series or an e-book on my personal experience and the resources I’ve found and information I’ve gathered through it. But, it’s hard to find the time to figure out how to organize and encapsulate, in any kind of comprehensive way, an experience with so much nuance. (And honestly, it’s hard to want to when I know that focusing on it again will probably bring an attack or two back to the battleground.)

Each person is unique and each story is different. I want to be able to share my journey in a way that encourages others without suggesting that their journey would be anything like mine. When we face depression, we desperately want to feel that someone understands but I would bristle at any implication that someone did. Because I’m different and they don’t know.

But, until I ever get around to that series or e-book, here is what I can tell you. I did not ever know I struggled with depression or anxiety until I was 28 years old. I thought I was the opposite of someone who had those challenges as did most people who knew me. Turns out that I had just always slept or drank myself out of my bouts. Because for me, it always comes in waves. Maybe not for you. Sometimes I can pinpoint a trigger, like when we set the clocks back in November or when I hear about something sad and then everything after that seems sad and then I’m wondering why we even have to suffer through life on this Earth where people do horrible things. I did not ever understand spiritual warfare and I had no concept of the connection between the physiological things that play into depression such as our hormones or brain chemicals and pathways and the demonic lies our spirits can be vulnerable to. So, depression can be sneaky. 

There’s so much more I could ramble on about from my own perspective but instead, let me tell you about Hope Prevails. This is a new book from neuropsychologist, Dr. Michelle Bengtson about her own walk through depression. So, here we have an opportunity to learn from someone who understands the scientific and the human aspects of a trip down Struggle Street. Here’s what she says:

“My greatest shock came when I tried the same treatment suggestions I typically offered my patients- and they didn’t work. I tried medication, I participated in therapy, I ate right and exercised dutifully, and I even prayed and claimed healing. For me those things weren’t enough. Only when I started to understand what depression does to us spiritually, as well as what it cannot do, and then started cooperating with God did I finally begin to experience the chains of depression falling off. I wrote this book to share what worked for me and what can help you.”

And because she did and because I am so passionate about trying to throw life preservers out to a drowning world, I have a copy to give away. I know when I am depressed, the last thing I want to do is anything constructive that might actually help. (Think about that for a minute. Think about your urges or thoughts to do self-destructive things when you’re stressed out. Why would that be? When we know the healthy things but it’s the unhealthy things we are drawn to in a hard stretch, we have to think about why. It’s the enemy of your soul pouncing on an opportunity to hurt you, my friend.) So, if you aren’t currently depressed, now might be a great time to read this book! If you care about someone who may be depressed, this is the perfect time to read this book! If you are depressed and you want to read the book, by all means, enter the giveaway but if you don’t win, holler at me. We will figure something out to get you some help. Judgement free. For real.

As much as it almost makes me shiver to think about those darkest times, I am telling you the 100% truth that it was those times that caused my whole life to change. And by life I don’t mean circumstantial things, I mean my inner self because it was suddenly a fact that I had nothing but Jesus to help me. If that didn’t “work,” I was sunk. Nothing was “wrong”- I had a good life. I had meds and a supportive husband and good physical health and enough money and access to whatever else might help a person. And those things certainly made a difference, but they couldn’t accomplish the job on their own. Sometimes we don’t really get to know God until we have nowhere else to turn. Do you know that we have a promise from Him that says “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you (James 4:)?” I am a new, deeper, more compassionate person because of what I went through with depression. And I am not fooled, I live knowing that I am probably not “all done” with depression for good. But it is okay now. I don’t struggle to breathe with that knowledge anymore. And I don’t want you to, either.

Dr. Bengston said, “I don’t ever want to go through anything that painful again. Honestly, I wouldn’t voluntarily choose to endure such pain, nor would I wish it on anyone. But now that I’m on the other side, I can see how even in the midst of such pain God was there. And truly, he used even pain for my good. For that I am thankful.”

You don’t have to answer this but I would love for you to think about it, no matter if you are currently on a mountain top or deep in a valley. Has there been something hard you have gone through that you can see God has used your pain for good somehow? If not, He will- in His own timing- if you give it over to Him and trust Him with it.

So, friend, enter this here giveaway. Here’s what you win:

  • Hope Prevails by Dr. Michelle Bengtson
  • A “hope” bracelet
  • A Hope Prevails scarf
  • An 8×10 encouraging print from Jenn Jett
  • A pretty 5×7 print
  • A journal from Sole Hope
  • Scripture memory bookmarks
  • There was a special Hope Prevails Hershey bar but I’m not going to lie to you- I ate it. Sorry.

Click here to enter and I’ll announce the winner next Monday (July 10, 2017)!

Thanks for being here with me. Love you as much as that Hershey bar I stole from the giveaway box (which is a lot).

In which I explain perineal massage

Okay. Here is my post about perineal massage. I’m super embarrassed to post it because it’s about VAGINA STRETCHING but I feel the world needs to know. Hopefully everyone who reads this already knows how babies get out and that there’s no stork involved.

It’s a medical post. It’s a medical post. It’s a medical post. The preggers need to know this. Okay. I can do it. Here we go.

The whole reason I’ve decided to dedicate a post to this topic is that the labor and delivery nurses who helped with Case’s birth were AMAZED that I did not need stitches (as was the doctor). When I credited it to perineal massage, they wanted to know how to do it. So. Obviously if the professionals aren’t in on this wonder, somebody needs to get the word out. I’ve had several mom friends ask me about it so I know y’all wanna know.

It’s extremely simple and extremely awkward. The OB I had with Jack told us about it and encourages all his patients to do it.

(I know many of you do not mind your stitches and feel like the end results are better. That’s fine, I’m not tryna pressure anybody.)

Supposedly there is a way to do this by yourself but it seems hard and confusing to me. So, I can’t advise about that.

Here’s how to do it:

Get some olive oil. Get your husband. Dim the lights. Haha just kidding, he’s gonna need to be able to see. Now all he does is rub the oil around down there and then insert his index and middle fingers up to the second knuckle and apply downward pressure. Just in and down. Then y’all lay there and watch tv for 15 minutes and you’re done.

It was very embarrassing at first but we got used to it quickly. You want to start about six weeks before your due date and do it every night. No big deal if you miss a night here and there. The amount of pressure he applies is up to you and can increase over time. I would aim for uncomfortable and stretched but not painful.

And there ya have it. That is how I delivered two babies (one being huge) without ever having crotch stitches.

Now you know way too much about me. You’re welcome.
Sent from my iPhone

How to cure yourself

I have been a little absent (okay, not absent, just posting less than every hour on the hour as is my usual habit) from social media lately. It’s because I am


Well, top five probably. And I have a sore throat so I have been busy wallering in self-pity. But you know what intensifies the weenie-ishness times a million? When you have a sick kid. So, just picture me, who gets very whiny and depressed and WOE IS ME, being sick and having a child who is the same way. We are just a delight to be around this week, my friends!

But, seriously, it is hard having a sick kid. Especially for me, the communicator. I want to know what hurts and where and how is he feeling emotionally about all the things he is experiencing physically and what does he think about global warming? But, he can’t talk so it’s like a freakin’ CSI investigation. Based on my excellent Facebook stalking skills you would think I would be better at figuring out what is up with my own child.

I have a very predictable response when I’m sick (other than praying for Jesus to take me home) and Spencer has learned not to question it. I get super pro-active and holistic and I am taking every medicine/concocting every home remedy and standing on my head (just in case).

When I woke up with tonsils the size of cantaloupes, I got busy fixing myself and one of the steps I ALWAYS take (though I have no evidence that it works) is to whip up some Super Healing Soup. I use whatever I have in my house that at the moment seems like it might do something to help me get better. Usually it’s very disgusting. BUT! Yesterday’s was quite tasty! So, I think I will post the recipe here so that I can remember it next time I’m dying and when Jack gets big enough to understand the concept of soup.


And then I ate it sitting on the floor like a child because a chair was just so hard.

Recipe as far as I can remember for Super Healing Soup that doesn’t taste disgusting:

  • 1 can of chicken broth (clearly homemade would be healthier but it was frozen and me being on the verge of death, I did not have time to defrost)
  • 1 carrot
  • 1 whole onion
  • About five cloves of garlic, I think (garlic has antibiotic properties if I remember right)
  • Half a can of stewed tomatoes
  • Half a can of green beans (I’m sure these are nutritionally neutral but fiber, ya know?)
  • However much water you need to get the right amount of juice
  • A couple handfuls of spinach
  • salt, pepper, oregano to taste and just a dash of cayenne pepper

This made enough for two big bowls. I considered potatoes and noodles but I didn’t want to strain my system with the carbs. I KNOW. This is how crazy the inside of my head is. (But then I was wanting a grilled cheese so I went with that.) You could add whatever kind of meat but I was too lazy.

Anyway, if you are dying, make this soup. Then take some zinc, cold medicine, a hot bath with epsom salts, drink some lemon/honey/vinegar and get some sunshine. And if you have any ginger at your house, just put some of it in everything. And gargle some hydrogen peroxide. You might not feel healthier but hey, at least you did something!

*I’m not a doctor or a nurse or a person who has ever read an article about health so don’t ever listen to anything I say


‘Bout half a 30

This is what I wrote after two weeks on the Whole30:

“That’s what my diet should be called instead of the Whole30. Cause I made it about two weeks. I don’t like it. I DO like that I have learned how to shop and cook without including any dairy, bread, pasta or any of that stuff. But, I have felt like crap for the last two weeks, strange things (that are not positive) are happening with my body and it’s a terrible combination between super boring and super stressful. Like a college algebra final or something.

Can you tell I’m cranky? Yeah, so can everyone else. I’m tired. I was having hot flashes. My eyes are all weird. I heard about the carb flu but I’m not prepared to feel like I’m dying for two more weeks all in the name of health. It makes no sense. Yes, I am getting plenty of protein and healthy fats. I have scoured the forums and my symptoms aren’t all that strange. Also, instead of developing a healthier relationship with food, I’ve just become more obsessed with it. And Memorial weekend! Ugh! Don’t get me started on the combination of traveling and delicious holiday food that I had to pass up. I was in a terrible mood yesterday because I went to the gas station and I wanted something to drink but I’m just tired of unsweetened tea. I mean, I’m dying from the boredom. And from the cooking. I usually cook most of the time but every single meal is just too much pressure.

So, here are all my cheats: Day2 I chewed a piece of gum that had soy in it because I didn’t think about reading the ingredients on GUM. Then, my mom and I went to eat on Day6 which was the first time I ate anything that had not come from my house. I asked for oil & vinegar dressing and ended up with a vinaigrette. I ate a bite before I realized. I had lunch with a friend on Day10 at a little salad/sandwich cafe where they didn’t have oil and vinegar so I just opted for Italian. At this point I was starting to lose my give-a-care. Then Memorial weekend hit and instead of add yet another ice chest/bag (you know how much crap you have to pack for babies) with our Whole30 compliant food, I just decided to risk it. I ate some sandwich meat with lettuce and tomatoes for supper two days in a row. Not cool. But, that was the choice I made not to pack my own food. Also, the sandwich meat was clearly not compliant. I still have not had cheese or bread but last night I was just so AGGRAVATED because I just wish I could feel half-way decent if I’m going to be going to all this trouble so I drank a Coke. Yes, I admit it. I usually allow myself one Coke per week and so I just had one last night. I really don’t regret it. Is that bad?

I have actually learned from this experience, as much as I’m complaining. I’m still trying to follow some of the guidelines for the most part but it’s just too much for me to deal with trying to do it perfectly.”

So that was my rant after two weeks. I didn’t post it because I got tired of writing and didn’t finish it. But, a lot of people have been wanting to hear about it so I decided to post it and add to it rather than rewrite the whole thing. I lost five pounds over two or three weeks so that is good. I’ve gone way off the rails a few times and realized it’s not worth it. I don’t want crappy greasy junk food. I don’t really even want ice cream which is very shocking. I want to eat without adding sugar or dairy and I think I’m just going to stay off corn permanently. My thinking on that is that there is corn in basically everything so I’m getting plenty of corn without eating an ear of it with my steak. I’m going to try to eat more healthfully all the time but I’m not going to beat myself up for having a treat now and then. And I might still drink a coke once a week. Because it’s that delicious to me. The next step for me is to learn more paleo type recipes and ideas so that I don’t get totally burnt out on eating the same things all the time. If anyone has the book Well Fed Paleo, would you recommend it?

The Whole30 comes to town

Okay, everybody! Guess what I’m fixing to do- I’m about to embark on the healthiest thirty days of my life! I have been planning this for about a month and my month is almost up. And I’m kinda scared. Because the Whole30 ain’t no joke, y’all.

It sounds simple enough on the surface. For thirty days, all you eat is fruit, vegetables and meat. When I heard that I thought it would be no problem for me to avoid sweets and bread for thirty days. But, then, when I started planning, my eyes were opened. For my entire life, I have been BLIND to what I’ve been eating. When I started thinking about ingredients and reading labels, I realized what I was really getting into. No dairy (uh, yeah, that includes cheese!), no grains (including pseudo grains like quinoa), no added sugar, no legumes, no soy and while they aren’t forbidden, corn and potatoes are discouraged because they can feed into a sugar addiction. Now, start reading the labels on the food you buy. Yeah. Everything has sulfites, sugar, MSG, carageenan or soy. It’s redic.

So now even though I see that it’s going to be super hard (mainly when I’m not home), I really want to do it. The point is to basically rid your system of all the processed junk and to do it for long enough that your brain has a chance to become unaddicted to the sugar and chemicals. The point is to change the way you look at food. I haven’t even started yet and it’s working. Even though I’ve still been eating normally, I have been thinking about what’s in everything.

This takes a lot of planning because you can still have a few substitute-type things like extra-virgin olive oil, coconut milk and ghee. So, I went to Whole Foods the other day to get some pantry items. Unfortunately it was packed in there and we had Jack and my niece with us so I gave up and left half-way through. I’m starting on Monday so hopefully I have a chance to get back over there this week. I’m going to do some meal-planning and prep some things and put them in the freezer so that I’m not having to cook every single meal on the fly.

After the 30 days you are supposed to introduce the banned food groups back in one at a time so that you find out how each one affects you. It’s a great way to uncover any food sensitivities! I am planning to still eat cheese and grains once it’s over (as long as I don’t notice any adverse reaction) and have a treat now and then but I think this will really help me learn about healthy eating for life!

If any of you have done a Whole30, please share your experience! I’ll post about it once we get going and maybe share some recipes. Whoo-hoo!

If anybody else wants to learn about it, check out the Whole30 site. There are even shopping lists to help you get started! There is also a forum on the site and you can google recipes. Let me know if you decide to do the challenge with me!


Killin’ Time

Who misses Clint Black? Raise your hand! I do, I do!

In case you were wondering, I’m super awesome at taking care of a baby. It’s really sweet around here. I just carry him around in one arm singing charming little lullabies while vacuuming in kitten heels.

IMG_0880This is Jack tipping over whilst I try to take a cute bathtub hair pic. Don’t worry,  he caught himself before getting a face full of water. I’m teaching him independence. HAHA By the way, this pic helped me notice how nasty the caulking in our guest bath is. I can’t clean it off, so should I just caulk over it or what? Help a sista out!

Speaking of that little toot, he has currently been napping for 2.5 hours when his normal morning nap is about 40 minutes. This is a very good sign. Every time this has happened, he has gone into a sleeping through the night for a week or two phase. *fingers crossed*! But, I’ve pretty much wasted the whole nap time because I keep expecting it to be over so I don’t want to start a workout or a shower, etc. Dang! I guess I’ll write a blog, right?

Also, we had a big family get together here at the house for Easter. It went really well and was fun to have everybody in one spot. We missed those who couldn’t make it but that’s the way it goes! The only bad news is that the house stunk to high heaven because something is going on with our oven. My grandpa insisted the rolls were on fire, Spencer insisted our propane always makes the oven smell that way and my grandma mentioned (she doesn’t usually insist) that once her oven smelled like that and there was mouse pee by the pilot light. So, if you ate a roll at my house on Easter…Sorry. It might’ve been from a mouse pee oven.

Next random topic: The Whole 30 diet. I want to do it but I’m scared. It’s pretty much like a Paleo diet. If you have any info on it, you should share it with me. If you want more info, we need to read the book It all Starts with Food and peruse these websites: Whole9 and Grit and Glamour. My wonderful husband agreed that he would stick to it when he was around me so that I wouldn’t be unnecessarily tempted. The authors really make you feel guilty about waiting to start or putting it off but within the next thirty days are my birthday, one of my best friends’ bachelorette party and her wedding. I mean, I’m not going to take a sack lunch to a wedding. I know there will always be excuses but I don’t have anything planned for the thirty days after their wedding so I think I will plan on starting my 30 days on May 13. Plus I really, really, really want to stick to it 100% without cheating one single sip (like wedding champagne) or bite (like wedding cake).  I’m hoping that it will permanently change my eating and I will only reintroduce reasonable things like some grains, legumes and potatoes as well as probably allowing one cheat day per week. We will see. I will be studying up between now and then!

Okay, I think that’s all I have to share.

P.S. I could’ve done a workout, showered and cleaned my house by now if I had started at the beginning of this nap rather than sitting around waiting on him to wake up so we could go to the gym!

Losing the baby weight and Facebookin’

I joined the gym on February first. I was pretty excited because I found one with supervised child care. I used to be able to work out during Jack’s naps but now his naps are shorter, fewer and more unpredictable. Also, when your kid isn’t sleeping (which was month 3, 4 and 5), you really don’t give a crap about exercising. Or living. So, this is good. That sweet husband of mine told me I’m already getting skinnier. What an encourager he is. I also started this dang Body By Vi shake diet. UGH. I’m starving. Basically, it’s a meal replacement and I’m doing it for breakfast and lunch. I have to because at seven months post-partum, breast feeding has just not resulted in ANY weight loss. AT ALL. I don’t want to discourage any future moms out there who keep being told that bfing will melt the pounds because apparently it does for many. But not me. Shocking. I’ve been avoiding cutting calories significantly because that can result in your milk supply drying up and also because cutting calories sucks. But, Jack gets supplemented with formula now and does just fine on it so while I hope to continue bfing, it’s a risk I’m willing to take to not have the house shake when I walk. Anyhoo, I’ll keep ya posted on how the Visalus treats me. My very skinny sister assures me that I will get used to it in a few days and not be hungry.  But I don’t really trust skinny people. The only problem I’m having so far (yes, I’m only on day two) besides starving is that to make a shake, I have to run the blender. This is a problem because I usually eat when Jack is sleeping because he yells at me and tries to steal my food. It’s not a relaxing experience. Therefore, I’ve been making my shakes in the bathroom (so that it doesn’t wake the baby) thanks to the good thinking of my sister (maybe she is a skinny person we can trust after all). Is that hygienic? Probably not. But, I am the one who peed in an Integris parking garage in the broad daylight recently so I think we are past the point of hygiene.

Side note: I just thought I saw a black bear at the edge of our woods and then I realized it was Smokey.

Also, I am on the social media A LOT. I’m not sure why but I feel the need to explain. Probably because I’m afraid everyone thinks I’m laying around in my PJs eating bon bons and playing on Facebook while Spencer slaves his life away.  Actually, I’m sitting on the floor with my phone either breastfeeding, supervising Jack feeding himself solids to make sure he doesn’t choke or supervising him playing on the floor and trying to prevent him from hitting his head on everything in sight. So, all I can say is thank God (I mean that) for Facebook, Instagram, WordPress and Twitter. Oh, and obviously Craigslist. And thank God for smart phones and iPads. Otherwise I would feel very lonely and devoid of adult conversation. Also, there’s Pinterest. (I’ve been experimenting with recipes from there lately so I might write a blog advising you on some of those.) Actually, that’s not all I can say about that. Maybe I’ll write a blog about stay at home mommying soon. If I get another chance to sit still and type long enough (my “chances” mean blogging during Jack’s naps instead of doing other house chores that need doing. Or brushing my hair.)

Top 10 reasons not to work out after you have a baby

Here are my favorite excuses reasons not to work out. I thought maybe admitting it would help. That’s what they call the first step, right?

1. You will pee your pants
2. Your feet expanded and now your tennis shoes squish your toes.
3. You don’t want to see all that flab flopping around.
4. You’re tired.
5. Napping baby time could be used to drink coffee and write blog posts.
6. Do they even make a bra that can hold these things still?
7. You might give yourself a heart attack and then the baby would be all alone and helpless until your husband got home from work (seriously, these are the psycho thoughts I have).
8. Your whole body STILL aches.
9. You’re dehydrated from breast feeding no matter how much water and Gatorade you drink. Sweating will make it worse.
10. The peeing your pants thing again. That’s how uncool it is.

UGH. I’m going to go do my stupid workout now. And probably pee my pants. And get sore toes (yes, I need to go shoe shopping).

How Kelly Bundy inspired me

Awhile back, I wrote a blog about how Peggy Bundy inspired me. Now, it’s Kelly Bundy who’s lighting the fire beneath my ample booty. Who would think characters from a show I wasn’t even allowed to watch would have such an impact on me? Married with Children is ranking right up there with Sunday school teachers and my FFA adviser.

Why am I so enthused about Christina Applegate these days? Because on this season of Up All Night (a show that’s a lot funnier to me now that I am up all night with a baby rather than up all night party rockin’.) she’s skinny. And last season she wasn’t.

Okay, obviously not fat. But heavier than before she got pregnant.

True conversation:

Me: dang, she’s skinny now! She must’ve had a baby.
Spencer: huh?
Me: she was a lot plumper last season so obviously it was from having a baby since she’s this skinny now.
Spencer: oh.

He loves his celeb gossip. Since he was so uninteractive, I had this convo with my sister. She confirmed that she had seen CA on a talk show and yes, she did have a baby (BTW, I’m pretty sure the same thing is going on with Maya Rudolph but I’m too lazy busy to look it up.).

Here’s a clip of her talking about it.

Hallelujah! It took her awhile to get the baby weight off, people, but she DID IT (for the most part, anyway)! Now, here are the disclaimers for all you argumentative types. 1.) She is a skinny person. I mean, I weighed more in seventh grade than she did during her MWC days. So, she probably had nature on her side. My body is naturally stocky. I have accepted that. I’m not trying to look like Kelly Bundy. 2.) She is on TV so she probably has someone to watch the baby while she works out, access to all the healthiest menus and a housekeeper. Probably so. But maybe she’s busier than me because she’s on TV.

And I don’t know if you have picked up on this about me or not, but I’m pretty confident. I wouldn’t be surprised if I have been called cocky and/or arrogant behind my back (cause I would punch them if they said it to my face). That’s because I know I’m awesome enough to accomplish whatever I want. It just might take longer than I want. This is where my lack of patience becomes a problem. And maybe this is my opportunity to work on that.

Maybe every time I go somewhere, I need to stop being in a terrible mood just because it took me two hours and thirteen outfits to realize nothing looks good. Maybe I should just accept that nothing’s going to look good right now but that it’s not always going to be so bad.

Get back to work, Brown! Stop being such a baby! Whining never got anybody anywhere! Are you going to let Kelly Bundy beat you?!

(That is Coach Condict. He yells at me when I need an attitude adjustment. He’s really just me with a manlier voice, bigger muscles and a whistle. And he’s in my head.)

Bet you can’t wait to see my sexy self next swimsuit season, can ya?

(If I’m still fat next swimsuit season, I will come back and delete this post.)